This Moment
by Vinnie K
Summary: He would do anything to get her back. She wasn't sure it would work. This is their journey to reconnection. DL angst. Inspired by 'It's Not Over' by Daughtry.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, and the song was used without permission.

**A/N:** I told people I would finish this tonight, and I did. I've been writing this for ages and I'm finally happy with it – actually, no, I lie. It's different to my original idea. But maybe this'll work.

It's awfully long, so I praise anyone who actually gets through this. Give it a go, and let me know what you think. I really will appreciate it. Cheers (:

And if there's any spelling mistakes, give me a heads up and I'll edit it asap. There are always some in there somewhere..

Also, before I forget, this one's for Matt. You're a bloody pain, love, but a great inspiration (:

* * *

The pale moon burned brightly in the sky, its soft light crawling over him. The light of his cigarette flashed as he took another drag. His eyes closed briefly at the feeling of the cool menthol filling his lungs. Tilting his head back, he exhaled, watching the smoke swirl around him and then disappear into the night.

Leaning forward on the bench, resting his forearms on his knees, he stared at the grey stone before him. He took in all the details, even though he had seen it millions of times before; her carefully etched name, simple block letters, along with the two very different dates. His eyes narrowed in the dark as he read the bottom line again, 'Beloved daughter and friend.'

_Friend._

The word repeated in his mind and he gripped his cigarette tighter. She was more to him than that. It had been clear to everyone that she was his best friend besides Flack, the only person that complemented him so well that it actually frightened them both. Of course it may not have seemed that way all the time, their continuous bickering along with the trying to get one over the other, proved that fact. But even if they had their differences, they both knew they meant more to each other than they would like to admit.

They both knew that their relationship was something special, something good. When things got bad, they could look at each other and forget about all the evil in the world, because they knew that at least something in this life was still good.

He cocked his head to the side, watching as the shadows of the night played across her grave. Rocking forward slightly and then collapsing back, to rest against the cold bench, Danny sighed heavily. He knew he must have been sitting there for hours, too many hours to be considered healthy, but for some reason, he couldn't tear himself away from her. Right now, he needed her and cursed God for letting that bastard take her away from him.

As always, the familiar feeling of anger, along with the normal guilt and sorrow, surfaced at the thought of her death. Many times he had sat here considering paying the sick bastard a visit. Though he would have liked to punch him and do more physical damage, he would have settled for shouting at him, blaming him, punishing and ripping him apart with his hurtful words. It would do nothing, since he was already jailed for life, but it would have made Danny feel a whole lot better.

Taking another drag of his cigarette, Danny paused before stretching it out in front of him. She always hated smoking. She always hated the fact that he would continuously smell like an ashtray. She banned him from smoking in her apartment. It didn't last long. He took her out for dinner and promised to only smoke in her apartment when he came around and was really stressed, and even then he would do it out of a window as a compromise. She had rolled her eyes, and grunted an okay. She could never resist his charm, and they both knew it.

Though he would constantly shrug off her comments about his habit, telling her that it was his life and his choices, it didn't stop the sinking feeling he felt every time she shook her head and called him an idiot. He hated to admit it when she was alive, but he cared about what she thought of him. Her opinion mattered, and at this very moment, he wished he could have her back.

He needed her help.

Danny sighed and dropped his cigarette to the grass. He leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped before him, and focused on the single pink carnation he had placed on top of her headstone.

She always hated pink. She preferred darker colors, he knew that, and yet as he stood in the flower shop, he couldn't resist the light pink carnations sitting by the counter.

The lady had asked him who the flower was for and Danny frowned at the question. He must have looked confused because she continued, telling him that pink carnations symbolized promising to never forget a person. As she continued to talk about flower meanings, Danny shook his head slightly at his subconscious choice, handed her the correct change and left the store, throwing a quick thanks over his shoulder.

Now that he considered it, Danny knew he would never forget her. He knew he _couldn't_ forget her. Her righteous grin, her big eyes, her tough exterior, her legs, her breasts, her lips, her morals, her accent…Everything about her was still there in his mind. Every experience with her was imprinted in his mind, good and bad, and he was glad for that, this way there was no chance he could forget her.

Danny sighed and looked up at the sky. The night was clear from any stars, simply a dark blue blanket covering him as he sat in the cemetery alone. He listened to the silence, taking in the sound of distant cars passing. She was probably watching him. She was probably sitting in Heaven, her eyebrows raised at how he could sit in the same place for hours on end.

Danny knew she was probably calling him an idiot for sitting there alone, wallowing in his depression, but he couldn't help it. Today had been one of those days, things had steadily got worse and he found himself wishing she were around to crack a joke about how he was acting like a pussy.

God, he missed Aiden.

After the day he had, he found himself wishing he could go to her apartment and sulk peacefully in the corner before she pulled his ear and told him to get his act together. She had always been the one to put things in perspective. Of course he had Flack, but another guy's advice could only be so helpful.

Danny knew that if she was here now, if she knew the things he had done…Well, he actually didn't know what she would say. He liked to believe that she would have sat him down and talked to him, told him that he was out of line for what he had done to Lindsay, that he should never had pulled away from her and definitely shouldn't have slept with another woman, and instead should go make things right.

He believed she would tell him to apologize, and probably smack him on the back of the head for actually telling Lindsay he slept with someone else in the first place. Maybe she would tell him how to make things better. He tried to think what her advice would be because truth be told, he didn't know what to do and it was driving him crazy.

Danny sighed, she couldn't tell him what to do; she couldn't show him how to magically fix this and it just upset him more.

He would have to figure this out himself and he didn't have much hope. Lindsay had barely spoken to him in the last few weeks, besides the times when she had to. Things did not look good and he didn't know how to work his way out of this mess. Danny rubbed a hand through his hair, before taking a cigarette out and reaching for his lighter. Suddenly he stopped and looked at his lighter. He considered lighting up but instead let out a frustrated growl and thought against it, shoving the cigarette back into the packet.

* * *

Lindsay walked quickly through the trees when she heard something rustle behind her. Cursing herself for not carrying, Lindsay balled her hands into fists and prepared herself for an attacker.

After her shift she had gone home and stayed there for less than a minute, before she had turned around and left her apartment. The restless feeling she felt pushed her into taking a walk, a long walk that allowed her to think about everything.

At first, she considered going to see Danny. That thought lasted for a moment before she headed in the opposite direction. There was no way she could see him. As soon as she left the Crime Lab, she didn't need to see him until the next shift, there was no point in seeking him out before that. They had said all that needed to be said.

Lindsay folded her arms across her chest as she tried not to think about Danny. It never worked; her thoughts would somehow drift back to him. She didn't understand where she went wrong. How could things turn from being so great to so bad in such a short space of time? Sometimes she would wonder if she had done something to create the divide between them. Maybe if she had been more open with him, he would have come to her. Maybe he would have trusted her. Maybe he would have chosen her instead of Rikki.

She knew it was a ridiculous thought. There was nothing she could have done. If that was how he felt, if that's what he had to do to feel better, then it was his own choice. She couldn't have prevented it. She had to believe that.

Lindsay hugged herself tighter as the wind blew against her. Trying to clear her mind hadn't worked and instead left her feeling more upset than before. She wanted to believe she and Danny were better off this way, but she knew otherwise. It was a shame he didn't think the same.

As the trees cleared and the pathway became broader, Lindsay was able to see more. The light from the moon created a mystical feel above the headstones and Lindsay felt herself smile. She always loved nights like these, with the bright moonlight and clear skies. It was different from nights in Montana; here in the city she counted herself lucky when she could see the stars.

Glancing at the various graves, Lindsay smiled gently before raising her eyes to the sky. Even though she wasn't a religious person, Lindsay briefly offered a silent prayer for the people lying around her. She hoped they were all at peace. Lindsay shoved her hands in her coat pockets, the thought made her think of her friends. She hoped they were at peace too. If they weren't, she didn't know what else she could do to help them.

Sighing, Lindsay carried on through the cemetery. She recognized her surroundings and was thankful that she was coming closer to the gates. She looked to the side and frowned when she saw a figure sitting on a bench. She knew she was out late, but for someone else to be in the cemetery this late? Suddenly feeling nervous, Lindsay quickened her pace.

* * *

Danny looked up at the sound of heels clicking on the path. His body straightened when he saw her. He hoped this wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him. Cautiously, Danny stood slowly, his knees cracking as he straightened, careful not to startle her.

"Linds?"

His rough voice cut through the silence making her stop dead and look up at him, her face frightened. She visibly calmed when she recognized him. He watched as she looked around her before slowly approaching him.

"Hi." Her voice was quiet, as if not wanting to disturb the people around them. She wrapped her arms around herself, gently rubbing her arms, unsure of the situation. She kept her eyes on him, even though his own were slowly trailing over her body. Trying to get his attention, Lindsay softly cleared her throat before speaking. "How come you're out so late?"

Danny turned his head to look at the grave next to them. He wanted to tell her that he was here to get help from Aiden. He wanted her to know he was here so that Aiden could guide him back to her. Danny knew it sounded crazy, but when he arrived here, he honestly thought Aiden would somehow guide him. He blinked as he realized that she had. Aiden had led Lindsay back to him.

There must be a greater power at work, helping him see sense. Danny realized that this was his chance. If he didn't tell Lindsay that he regretted his actions, he probably wouldn't get another chance. When else would they talk? At work? After work? He doubted it. Now, at the dead of night, was his chance. And God be his witness, he was going to seize it with both hands.

Danny nervously licked his lips, his eyes focused on Aiden's headstone. "I needed time to think. I thought if I came here, I would be able to sort myself out."

Lindsay nodded gently as she stared at Aiden's headstone. She could understand that since she went for a walk for the same reason. Even though she did understand, she couldn't help but feel something twist at her gut. Maybe it was a tinge of jealousy, jealousy over the fact that the only place he seemed to be able to think was here. With her.

Lindsay knew it was wrong to feel jealous of Aiden–shouldn't she feel this way towards Rikki, after all?–but she couldn't help it. Still, after all the time that had past, she felt unsettled because Aiden still held such a big hold over Danny's mind, and probably his heart too.

Looking down, Lindsay berated herself. She shouldn't worry because really, it was in the past. Moving so that she stood next to Danny, Lindsay spoke quietly, her eyes remaining on the words engraved into the stone.

"I thought the same." She heard the rustle of Danny's leather jacket as he turned his head to look at her. "I thought if I went for a walk, I would be able to think. Clear my mind. Or at least, something like that." She laughed humorlessly, "It just made me think more."

Danny nodded, sticking his hands into his pockets. "Did it make you think of us?"

Lindsay froze. She replied cautiously, her voice steady. "I don't have to answer that."

"You don't have to." Danny moved so that his whole body was facing her. He let out a breath, trying to calm the unnecessary nerves he felt. "But I want you to."

"Well, we can't always get what we want." Lindsay glanced to the side to find him watching her. She looked at him for a moment, taking in the sight of his haggard face, before turning away. Her jaw clenched involuntarily, before she spoke. "Our relationship clearly proved that."

Danny frowned at the side of her head. "I got what I wanted," he told her quietly. He watched her stoic face for a moment before continuing. "I got you, Linds. I had you and now, I want you back."

Lindsay was silent, unsure of how to reply. She had imagined that one day he would come to her and apologize, wanting her back. She didn't realize that it would be this soon.

He watched as she sighed and turned around to sit on the bench behind them. He sat next to her and watched her intently. "What do I have to do to make this better?"

"I don't know." Her voice was quiet as she looked down at her lap. "I don't think there's anything you can do."

His heart sank. "Don't say that, Lindsay."

She could hear the desperation in his voice, could feel it coming off him in waves. His pleading whisper made her heart ache; slowly chipping away at the ice that had formed around it after he had left her. Just hearing him, having him sit so close to her, made her want to take him in her arms and hold onto him forever, making her forget what he had done to her, what he had done with someone else.

Even though having him sit here was making Lindsay's control slowly slip away, she still felt as though nothing he could say or do would change the fact that they weren't meant to be.

How could they ever work, after all this?

"I don't think we should be having this discussion." Slowly she released a steady stream of breath, catching hold of her broken resolve. "There's nothing more you can do. You have to realize that."

Danny shook his head slightly, staring at her in disbelief. "I'm sorry for what I did. You have to realize that. I know I did you wrong, fuck, I _know_ I screwed up. I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back." His voice became deeper, heavier with emotion as he willed her to understand. "But there's nothing I can do about that now. All I can do now is hope that you can forgive me."

Lindsay felt her heart flutter at his words. She wanted this; every time he stared at her at work and yet never said anything, each time they had successfully avoided each other, she had wanted for him to reach out for her. To come to her and talk, apologize; promise her he would never leave. Lindsay thought that one day they would manage to do that. She had hope that one day it would happen.

Now, the moment was here.

Her chance.

_Their_ chance.

And yet, as she sat next to him in the cemetery, a thousand eyes watching her, the cool breeze crawling over her, she knew this was wrong.

She couldn't give herself to him again, could she?

The risk involved scared her–terrified her, in fact.

"Things won't be the same."

After a beat, Danny replied cautiously, "I know."

"I can't act as if nothing happened."

"I know. I'm not asking you to forget. I'm just asking for your forgiveness." Danny watched as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a slight frown on her face.

"I don't know if I can forgive you," she whispered, her voice wavering slightly.

Danny swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat. "Tell me what I have to do to make this work." He struggled to find the right words, growing more frustrated by the moment. "Tell me, and I'll do it, Linds."

Lindsay shifted away slightly as he tried to move closer. "I need time to think about this, Danny."

"I've given you time," he said, his voice showing his irritation. It wasn't his intention to sound harsh, but it was true. He had given her space, which was why he left her after all. But he couldn't take it, to live without her smile, her jokes, her company…He would bet it was what Hell would be like. Danny couldn't handle it anymore.

Lindsay was initially surprised at the annoyed tone his voice adopted, before getting irritated herself. "Well, you haven't given me enough. If you think I'm going to just jump back into a relationship with you, you're really deluded, Messer."

"How much longer are you going to drag this out, Lindsay?" Danny looked at her and was glad that she was staring right back at him, fire burning in her brown eyes. "I told you the truth; I didn't lie to you about what I did. I said I was sorry for all of the shit I pulled. Why can't you just accept that?"

Her eyes flashed. "Because it's not that simple!"

"Then let's make it simple!"

As they stared at each other, eyes flaring with anger and passion, something started to fall into place. Gradually, as they watched each other, remembering the intimate details of the others face, there was a moment where time seemed to slow. When they look back at this moment, they would realize that this moment, here under the dark starlight, was when they reconnected.

It wasn't a moment of soft words and promises of love; it was in the midst of fierce words – arguing was what they did best after all.

Danny watched as she visibly backed down. He fought the urge to grab a cigarette and light up, wanting to find satisfaction in blowing smoke in her face. Instead he took a deep breath, and focused at the task at hand. "I don't care if you hold a grudge against me for the rest of my life. I wanted you to forgive me, but alright, if you can't do that then I don't care if you never forgive me. All I want is a chance. I need a chance to make you trust me again. A chance to prove myself to you. You gotta understand that."

Lindsay kept quiet, thinking, her mind racing. "What if I can't trust you?" Lindsay glanced sideways, noticing his twitching fingers. "What would you do then?"

He didn't even have to consider it. "I'd do everything possible to regain that trust."

Lindsay sighed, he wasn't giving up. She knew that, she knew him too well. "Danny–"

His hand on her thigh made her hold her breath. "Montana," he said, his voice low. "_Please._ Give me the chance." He shifted ever so slightly closer to her, his thumb slowly rubbing the spot on her thigh. "I never want to let you go again."

They both were silent as his words hanged in the air. Softly, heartbreakingly, Lindsay voiced the reason why she was holding back.

"I'm scared."

He felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest at the idea of his Lindsay frightened at the prospect of being with him. She shouldn't be scared, if anything she should ready and willing to re-enter this relationship.

Maybe they weren't ready.

"Don't be, Linds." He reached out to gently touch her cheek. "I'm not going to hurt you. Never again." He felt her warm breath on his hand when she sighed helplessly. "Look at me, Lindsay. I'm not gonna hurt you." When she looked down, he gently coaxed her towards him so that he could see her bright brown eyes.

"There's nothing to be scared about. If we're going to do this, you have to believe me."

And as she looked into his eyes, searching for the truth–for the Danny she once knew–Lindsay felt that maybe she could get over this. Maybe she wouldn't be so afraid of letting him get close again. Maybe she could forgive him over time.

Carefully she placed her hand on top of his, praying that she was making the right decision, before giving him a faint smile. "I believe you."

And at that moment, she did.


End file.
